The Trap of Victim Consciousness

Hi friend, 

One of the biggest traps likely keeping you from the success, happiness, and growth you desire is the trap of Victim Consciousness.

The vast majority of people spend the majority of their time, both personally and professionally, in a disempowered state called “Victim Consciousness.” In Victim Consciousness, we see ourselves “at the effect of” a cause outside of ourselves which is responsible for our undesirable condition. We assign blame for the reason we’re still single, why we’re missing our quota, why we didn’t get promoted, etc etc.

When we’re stuck in Victim Consciousness, we believe things are happening To Us and feel vulnerable and fearful. As a defensive mechanism, we look to blame someone, something, or ourselves.

When Victim Consciousness is present in our lives or the organizations where we work, we get trapped in something called The Drama Triangle. There are three roles in the drama triangle, and we may find ourselves operating mostly in one or shifting between all three.

• The Victim - The victim is at the effect of something which is being done to them and outside of their control. They complain, either overtly or covertly, that this isn’t fair and there’s an underlying tone of whining.
• The Villain - The villain finds fault and places blame for undesirable results on another person, themselves, or the meta-cause.
• The Hero - The hero hates conflict, pain, and tension, and in an effort to relieve their own discomfort, they over-function and take on more than their share of responsibility without really dealing with the underlying issue. (While this may appear generous and caring, this is actually toxic behavior, which leads heroes to burnout, keeps others disempowered, and leads to breakdowns in relationships and/or teams over time).

All of the roles in the Drama Triangle are a trap. When we find ourselves in any of these roles, it is critical to stop, regulate our nervous system, and then figure out how to move into to a more empowered state.

When we believe and act as though we’re empowered, we are operating from Creator Consciousness. Instead of feeling like victims, we believe that we’re capable of creating the change we wish to see. Rather than assigning blame, creators take responsibility. Note: Taking responsibility does NOT mean blaming ourself. Instead taking responsibility requires shifting into curiosity, learning, and wonder to understand, “What can I learn here and how can I grow from this?” It creates the safety and openness to receive all the lessons that life has to teach us.

In Creator Consciousness we see all experiences, events, and outcomes (including the undesirable ones) as happening For Us instead of To Us. We view everything as being aligned with our highest learning, growth, and development. In this state, we’re constantly learning from the results in our life in order to iterate, grow, and create the change we wish to see.

When we’re acting from Creator Consciousness, we move out of the Drama Triangle into the Empowerment Triangle. In this triangle, each of the roles are empowered to create healthy change.

• The Creator - The victim becomes the creator who moves from a mindset of “poor me” to “I can solve this.” They take responsibility to create change by applying curiosity, incorporating learnings, and take aligned action to achieve the outcomes they desire.
• The Challenger - The villain becomes the challenger who, instead of criticizing and assigning blame, becomes focused on challenging assumptions and the status quo in order to lead to growth and development. Challengers adopt a mindset of “I believe in you” and hold Creators responsible for taking action and making progress.
• The Coach - The hero becomes the coach who, instead of “saving” the victim by taking on or solving their problems, empowers them to develop goals and action plans through inquiry. They help creators learn and grow by asking them questions to help them find their own solutions. They teach them how to fish rather than simply giving them a fish to eat.
  So consider…

How often do you find yourself stuck in Victim Consciousness?

Which role(s) in the Drama Triangle do you operate from most often?

How often are you assigning blame versus taking responsibility?

What blocks or fears are preventing you from moving into a more empowered state?

With you on the journey,

Emma x