Are you addicted?

Recently I’ve been reflecting more deeply on the cause of my past corporate burnout.

Was it the unmanageable workload and inbox that I could never get to zero?

Was it the lack of proper funding and support for my team?

Was it Covid challenges and the physical disconnection?

Was it the pressure of seemingly unattainable expectations?

For so long I would have answered “Yes! Yes to all of the above.”

But the truth is, not really. No.

The true cause of my burnout (which I can only see now) was my addiction.

My addiction to validation.

Getting words of affirmation about how smart/capable/impressive/helpful I was lit me up inside.

I felt good enough.

I was addicted to the hits of dopamin the validation provided.

And so, despite being exhausted and internally struggling, I kept pushing in hopes of being told I was doing a good enough job.

I worked tirelessly to deliver the ever-increasing sales targets.

I said “yes” every time a team member would ask to put time on my calendar, despite not having enough time for my own priorities, much less a break for lunch.

I tried to figure everything out on my own so I seem like a competent leader who knew what they were doing.

I overrode all of the cues from my body begging for rest because I didn’t want to let others or myself fail.

Unfortunately, being dependent on validation is as destructive as a drug habit.

I would do almost anything to get the next hit.

And when the times got tough and the validation became scarce, I went into withdrawal.

I didn’t have enough to keep me going.

My hair started falling out and soon I had nothing left to give.

Maybe this sounds extreme. Or maybe you’re nodding along and can relate.

We all love validation, but it also keeps us in a state of dependence and scarcity.

It deepens our underlying sense of not enough/never enough-ness.

It inhibits us from using our voice because we’re afraid of what other people will think.

It keeps us from saying “no” and holding basic boundaries to protect our well being.

It prevents us from finding our passion and following our dreams because they’re not externally validated.

So what's the antidote? The rehab?

1. Take responsibility and own your desire for validation (You don't have to do it publicly, but admit this to yourself.)

2. Understand WHY you crave it. (Me? My parents only validated me when I achieved something, and when they did, it felt AMAZING. That’s what I kept trying to recreate.)

3. Get clear on what it’s costing you not to change.

4. If you think the cost is high enough, break your dependency.

Don’t know how?

It was through coaching that I built the awareness and was equipped with the tools and support to finally break my addiction.

Now I feel worthy and confident.

Now I trust myself and the decisions I make.

Now I have the courage to do what I want to do, rather than what’s expected of me.

Now I focus on how things feel, rather than how they look.

Are you ready for true freedom, but need support to get clean? If so, apply to work with me at the link above.

With you on the journey,

Emma x